This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.
Content warnings: mentions of sexual violence, but no specifics
Fellow aces, we need to have a discussion about how we treat sex-averse and sex-repulsed aces. Sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces are by no means a minority in the community—according to the AAW census, 65% of asexuals, 51% of grey-As, and 37% of demisexuals are either “somewhat repulsed” or “completely repulsed.” And yet, as several people have pointed out recently, sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces are consistently “viewed almost as a dirty secret the community should be ashamed of.” This treatment of sex-repulsed aces goes hand in hand with a series of ideas: Being indifferent is the Real Way to be ace. If you’re sex-repulsed, there’s something wrong with you, and you need to see a medical professional. If you’re sex-repulsed because of experiences of trauma or sexual violence, then you definitely need to see a medical professional and sit down and shut up and stop making people think that you’re a “normal” ace.
A strange extension of this erasure and/or silencing of sex-repulsed aces is that aces who aren’t sex-repulsed are pressured into having sex by members of their own community. It means that it’s significantly easier to find narratives from and advice for aces who have sex (and that’s just things I found in ~5 minutes of going through bookmarks) than it is to find personal narratives from aces who are sex-averse,* despite the fact that, according to the AAW census, only 1% of asexuals, 4% of grey-As, and 11% of demisexuals enjoy having sex. (It’s slightly easier to find stuff about aros who don’t have sex and don’t want to have sex, probably because, as everyone knows, it’s totally 100% impossible to ever have a romantic relationship without The Sex.) It means that people who seek out ace communities because they don’t want to have sex can feel alienated by their own communities.
whaaat definitely did not know this was a thing in ace communities??
I’ve always had mixed feelings about sex positivity as a movement and this just makes me feel even more meh about it, since it feels like being positive about sex makes me shittier about myself for not liking it :/